do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
