oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
