Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
