just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize