her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
