you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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