Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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