Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
