did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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