I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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