That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize