i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize