Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
