bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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