I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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