Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
