I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
