he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
