Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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