I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
