Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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