you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
