ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
