He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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