Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
