were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
