I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
