he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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