Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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