She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
