And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
