8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
