Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
