I accidentally had phone sex last night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
