It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize