There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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