he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize