Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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