i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize