Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
