Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
