did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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