Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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