the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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