i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
