Where is the hickey?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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