I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
