Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
