I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're a waste of cheezeits
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
