Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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