Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
