I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
