Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
