The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
