I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
