now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
