did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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