Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
