I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
