Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
