Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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