his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
