i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MIDGETS
????
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
