So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
