just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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