I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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