Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
