You're my little dorito
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize