why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
