i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
